Gossy
Celebrated his wedding anniversary with a change of underwear after two days without luggage. The only concern was that the club flag was in his lost bag. Captained the side selflessly and completely inverted the Benaud theory that captaincy is 90% skill and 10% luck by almost reversing the batting order and using the joke bowlers in the more convincing of two wins. Took his first overseas wickets on his third Cryptic tour and made the same thank you speech four times with ever increasing panache.

PAJA
When parted from the scorebook, felt most at home port tasting at Taylor's until informed that the expensive bottle he has kept since the 2000 tour should have been consumed long ago and is probably now horrible. Found increasingly imaginative ways of buying wickets of batsmen happy to give them away for nothing. Enjoyed opening the batting, which left its mark on him, the gold medal winning bruise of the tour on his ribs.

 

Dwight
Tour organiser who arrived late and departed early, thus missing the near death experience at Heathrow for nine other 'Cupit Babes', whose loss would have made him club supremo. Suspicious? You bet. Batted with rare determination twice, age having caught up with his bowling and overtaken his wicket-keeping. Utterly failed to convince anyone that a baby, no garden and a labrador puppy is a perfect combination.

 

Rod
Tour virgin slipped comfortably into the vacant Kittybitch role, extorting funds at Gatwick in a manner betraying his relish for the job. Continued to manage the budget with aplomb throughout, leaving only one unpaid tab at the club when taking the early flight home. Bowled brilliantly on Saturday to reach 98 career wickets, so was rewarded by not getting a bowl on Sunday until Oporto were nine wickets down. And taking his 99th. Ran himself out and returned to the pavilion without a hint of a Cryptic tantrum. Disappointing.

Jimmy
Thrilled to be awarded his pink and black club jacket at Taylor's, not least because it makes him look like Mr Incredible. Rediscovered his touring form after a seven year gap with a fair rendition of The Lion and Albert and some enchanting song. An ignominious start in the field - dropping a sitter in the first over - was followed by more respectable shopping with the ball and Sunday's crowd pulling masterclass in opening the batting. Perused wine lists to the satisfaction of all present.

Hoggers
Portugal is a tough place to tour for vegetarians, so he survived on a substantially liquid diet, without complaint. Probably the only man to get more sleep on tour than at home, Hoggers' runs came at a hefty premium but he entered the records by taking his first wicket in his 102nd game, just nine years after Natasha took her first Cryptic wicket in a beer match.

 

Tommy H-D
The only non beer drinker on tour coped admirably on several varieties of grape, considering it essential medicine while rooming with Scotty, a snorer par excellence. Bowled utter dross when brought on to break the tenth wicket partnership on Saturday and was rewarded with a long, and much better, spell on Sunday. Provided the champagne moment on the field with a splendid acrobatic catch, and capped a good season with the bat with one decent knock followed by relegation to the (unemployed) tail.

Scotty
Best player on tour padded up to a straight one on nought prompting 24 hours of merciless ribaldry from teammates. The tension before his second innings was immense, and not relieved by his first 'run' being a leg-bye. Took the flak in good humour and responded by top scoring on Sunday. Pouched a couple of decent catches but bowled the widest wide of the weekend, missing the artificial pitch by 18 inches. Exercised great self discipline to avoid using his catchphrase, 'to be fair' which was caught and flogged to death by roomy Tommy.

 

Ex-Skipper
Presentation speech for the two jackets dried up due to illegible notes etched in the small hours. One decent catch and a couple of much maligned refusals were complimented by two innings of scoring almost exclusively in the V between third man and fine leg. Spent the over before a declaration ducking bouncers after mischievously suggesting over lunch that the bowler was a chucker. Got wedged on the kids' slide into the swimming pool.

 

Puppy
Supplied interesting pink tour kit and, as ever, tried to embrace all aspects of local culture. Official tour photographer lost his camera on Friday afternoon("Of course it's not in my bag, I'm not that stupid"), only to find it in his bag on Monday, hence the lack of cricket pictures. Batting suffered due to over excitement but kept wicket well except when the dolly catch went straight up in the air. He called, went dizzy, and completely fluffed it. Opened the Sunday bowling while Rod briefly wore the gloves. 'Nuf said.

 

Pippa
So chuffed with his pink and black jacket, he barely took it off. Anchored both innings well with 34 each time, the second from number 7. Strangely quiet when the skipper suggested he'd make a good regular number 7. Refused to bowl on Sunday due to undisguised opinion that games should be won clinically without taking the apparent risks incurred by 'festival' captaincy. Completed a tour without injury.